Friday, July 20, 2007
Look pple that my NEW name. isn't that cool. i'm so sad, so demoralised, so bleah i can't express.
Is it because of my expectations? i'm not too sure. but u see sometimes i really think that we should be normal person all ur life so u wouldn't have such high expectations of urself. i'm not saying that i'm a big shot but gah, wadever, u wouldn't know what i'm talking about.
I keep telling pple that NO ONE would be a successor all their lives. i would not. and WOULD never keep scoring high marks. like PLEASE, just SHUT UP. Contrary to that, i have such high expectation of myself that sometimes i just can't take it anymore. i mean i don't know if i try hard enough but GAH. i dunno. i wish there are no exams, no tests, no quizzes then i would never fall into this bottomless hole. "failure is the mother of success" is this statement really true? well i can't doubt it cos sometimes it IS true but on that other hand, it doesn't make any sense to me sometimes too. maybe i do need tuition, maybe my T-score was really just because i had tuition. now i know my true abilities. it's just LIKE THAT. is it really only because i had tuition that i could do better than usual? but as sally said, one cannot rely on tuition for life. but it isn't fair, no it is. LOOK. isn't my name SOOO suitable?
i'm slowly lacking self confidence though i never really did have. i really doubt my true abilities now. my language is just so lousy and i am at my wits end. i've tried but it never works. i'm just,just, NOT GOOD AT IT. shall i just except it? i dunno. i really dun. we have our strong points and weak points but my weak points seem to overthrow all my strong points. i'm not good at english, chinese and math as far as i know. oh gosh when will this ever end. math never worked out for me. i really have not been doing well all these years in my math. i don't see the light as easily as other do. i dun understand my chinese either. when pple just do nothing at all, they score. easily ten to twenty marks higher than mine. and pple do feel good when beating me. anw at least i'm still of some use at encouraging pple to score better than me. >.<
recess yesterday was such a sad thing. gosh i dun wanna talk about it. THANKS JIA FOR BEING THERE WHEN I NEEDED U AGAIN. while in search of a partner to eat with, you just appeared like 'poof!' hahahahhah and then i finally ate with you only after more than 7 months. it was so short, but good things really DO come to an end. we shall just treasure what we have.
The judo competition was really exciting. omg i did expect it to be lie WWE. i felt like screaming for all the competitors who had their heads squashed. eeeeeeewww it's gross.
PAULINE AND RIE DID A WONDERFUL jOB For appasionata xi! BAND IS COOL, BAND IS NICE, BAND IS PRO, BAND CONCERT IS NOT BORING!!!!!! it was really entertaining. i think i will go for all the band concerts every year now! the percussion pple were reallystrong. oh and me and sally had to be temporary ushers lah. just like sway and the teachers asked us to help (cos maybe of our 9-tee from the judo comp.)
I'm in an emo state today. so don't mind me. my mood swings. like crappily fast. (well not faster than xin tong) HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE. oops sorry bf. but u finally unlocked ur blog so i dun have to keep typing my email add and password. GRAH.
emo-ness... what do i actually live for? work for? dream for?
-expectations-
the enchanted forest*